I Will See it Through

This ended up a rather long post, but please read through it, thank you....

I got an email from a co worker yesterday, he had heard I am planning a trip to India, and wanted to know if I wanted to talk about it sometime over lunch, when I emailed him back, he hadn't realized I was at work, so I joined him to see what he wanted to talk about.

We spoke a bit about Hinduism, Buddhism, the concept of "self", the scientifics' of it all, etc. He then said he is always interested in what sparks a person to want to make a journey to India, and what had caused my want. At this time, my want is in the very beginning stages, not sure where I am going, when I am going exactly, and what I will be doing. The location I assume will depend on if I go as a tourist, if I go as a volunteer, or if I go for a pilgrimage. I think it also varies on the fact that I would like to find someone to go with, since I have never been outside of the U.S and I am a diabetic, and I would just feel better having someone there with me, but the price tag for just the plane ticket turns many people away.

He sent me a few links to sites he thought I would like to read about, and one was from a man who has been to India several times, and what he had to say was heartbreaking, but what I had expected. From others I have spoken to, they all say the same... You will learn to love India, as well as hate it. The poverty is so unbelievably bad, that you begin to hate the country for what it is doing, because, in reality, there is a lot of wealth in India as well. Here is an excerpt of some of his writing....

"The poverty's on a mind-blowing, overwhelming scale, and you feel so helpless. The money in your pocket right now, handed to any one person out there beyond the window, would be life-changing. But you can't save a billion people and turn the fortunes of this massive country. (You're not Gandhi, you know.) And after all, back in Bangalore we hung out with highly paid IT guys who worked for Infosys. There's a lot of wealth in India, too."
 - Trying Really Hard To Like India

After we were done speaking, I reflected on his questions, and the conversation, which I felt like I kind of drowned in. I really have started to ask myself... why do I have this strong desire to go to India? In all actuality, I would like to go anywhere where I could do some good, but so many places are currently so dangerous to visit, that def narrows it down. Yes I want to serve, but I want to live as well. I thought about the spiritual aspect of things, this man touched on the fact that so many Westerners go to India if they want a spiritual experience, and why should "India have the cornerstone on spirituality?" My spirituality if within me, I would like to go see some of the holy sights, but when it comes down to it, no place in the world can give me spirituality, only I can accept that in my being. As far as a tourist aspect, well of course I want to see some sights, but I also know that I don't want to be in the nice pretty places.

So after a lot of thought, I think I have come to the conclusion that here in America, anything we want, is basically right there, or can be gotten in a matter of seconds, and we don't think twice about it. Hungry? Pick one of hundreds of fast food places, and stuff your face with un-nutritional food within minutes. Some people don't wonder, but accept that they will not be eating today. Yes we have needy here, and I do what I can to help those close, but I don't think anyone can understand the true meaning of poverty, of helplessness, of human suffering, unless they experience it first hand. And I would find it hard to find anyone who would not be changed by this. Yes I am looking for spiritual guidance that I am finding hard to find here, yes I want to volunteer and give of myself to those who sorely need it, but I think at the heart of the matter, is the fact that I want to experience what is really going on around me, so that I can honestly see and feel the suffering, so that I have a better understanding of my brothers strife. Only when I understand, can I truly help. I know that I will come back changed forever, and I will never see my world the same again.

I am prepared to realize that I will develop a sadness that I don't think is possible for me to have, until I fully understand it. This trip is not a vacation. But I feel it will be one of the most important things I will ever do in my life. I understand that it will be very hard, and at times, I will be frustrated with my world. But I know that whatever good I do, will be so welcomed, every smile I get, will be genuine.

I want the culture shock, I don't want to be blind anymore. The world is my home, everyone is my family, and if they suffer, I want to help, but I feel I must experience this to truly understand what suffering is.

This is probably a good time to mention to all my friends and family that I do plan on trying to make it to India next year, and am asking that any gifts, i.e: xmas, bday. etc  be in the form of cash. I am taking donations as well. Plane ticket is around $2000.  I think that this trip all in all will total around $3500-$4000 dependant on who I can get a hold of about going (like through volunteerism, etc.) Any extra donations will be sent as a donation to an orphanage in India.

I do not ask anyone to comment, I am not asking anyone to understand. I am just asking you to accept it. I know everyone in their life has had something in them, a burning desire, something they felt they had to do. I have spent a long time, walking around aimlessly, searching for something that was always there. I have found it, and am still finding it everyday. This is my desire, this is what I want to do, and no matter what, I will see it through.