I have been forgetting to do this stop and breathe thing! Life has been so very hectic and up and down for me. The times I need to remember all that I have learned the most, is when I slip. But I always get back up. One foot in front of the other, in a forward kind of motion.
Work, personal life, family life, all of it....
In all those three aspects, I have opened my mind and my heart to these people. Yet I feel I am in a sinking ship. A ship that is to house their beliefs, and their thoughts. All is love. All paths are paths of love that lead to ultimate heaven. Pretty universal message to me. Yet the alienation is clear. I know I am never truly alone, if I only look within, but this notion of loneliness is a hard one to shrug off. Words are the most powerful weapons I can think of, because they stay rooted in my mind, floating around, just to resurface and bring about these powerful emotions. I am fine one minute, hurt and angry the next. This is what I am trying to overcome. This path I am on, is the right path for me. It is bringing me closer to God. I thought these people would be happy for me. But instead it seems they think I am against God, or that I am going to convert their loved ones. So they fight against this, but they are really fighting nothing. So I have turned to a more Eastern approach, why does this bother you so? I am not trying to convert your loved ones, why the need to research Hindu v.s. Christians? What is your purpose in that? What I need to learn is to not need to know your purpose or gain your acceptance. I have been so happy on this journey, why can't you accept that? It is my journey after all, I am in no way hurting you. Yet now there is an alienation. I am left out. I am no longer treated as a family member. I am looked at as perhaps an enemy, when I have done nothing to harm you.
All I have ever wanted in my life, is a close, loving family unit. And I thought that I was getting that. But as I sit looking at all the family emails I am left out of, the conversations about how many Hindi's persecute Christians... I mean really.... I am sorry if I am not the one you envisioned. But I am one, and I am love. And I am good. I want to bring goodness into the world, I want to spread God's love (no matter what you call him, or the path you take to him.) What exactly do you think I have done so wrong, to deserve so little respect?
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