Patience

Everything that has selfishness for its basis, competition for its right hand, and enjoyment as its goal, must die sooner or later.

What good is it if we acknowledge in our prayers that God is the Father of us all, and in our daily lives do not treat every man as our brother?

Sincerity of conviction and purity of motive will surely gain the day.

The cause of all miseries we have in the world is that men foolishly think pleasure to be the ideal to strive for.

Swami Vivekananda

So it is Mother's Day here in the states, and this has been a touchy subject for years. I have never really spent much time with my mother. She was not an active figure in my life, ever. As I grew older I tried to maintain a relationship, but every time, I end up pulling back, because she is a very difficult person to get along with. Irrational, some drug issues, past and present. I always felt like my life was worse with her in it. More stress and anger put on me, and that cutting her out was the way to go. I often said she was not a person I would ever friend, if she was a stranger.

Now I know my thinking was all wrong. I was being selfish.

If the world didn't have difficult people, how would we ever learn tolerance of others, patience and compassion? My actions weren't kind, because I felt slighted. It was not a grudge of the past, I was just fed up with trying over and over. But that was me, having an expectation of what she should be. I can't expect her to live up to my expectations, because she can only live up to hers. I understand how I think and see the world and myself, is much different than those around me, and I can't expect so many things and thoughts to match my own.

So today, I took a great step and I spoke to her. First time in close to two years. Well, it was a text, small steps, I figure. I can't explain how I feel, even physically, my body was quivering, not even sure why.

I really had to keep in my mind all that I feel, and all that I have learned, and all that I believe, to take this step. To show kindness to someone, to show compassion. All she wants is a relationship with me, and to speak to me. We can't say that we are all from one creator, while denying that everyone is our brother and sister. We cannot pick and choose, we are all family, the human family.

So today my feet are here in Duluth, MN. Not in the past, where feelings were hurt, and not in the future where fear is manifesting, but right here, in this moment. And in this moment, I can say I did good.